April 30th, 2020
"Frustrated parents in Ontario pivot from official distance-learning program amid COVID-19"
a quote from today's post in the news.
Are you a frustrated parent...?
Since schools have been closed, there is an increasingly vocal group of parents saying Ontario's official distance-learning framework is not working for them.
"It was like pulling teeth trying to get him to do even small parts of the assigned work, and I was just frustrated beyond belief," said a mother, yoga teacher in Toronto.
"And that hour just felt like it was a complete waste of time," she said, describing her son Ben slumped in his chair, zoned out or fiddling with things, not even looking at the tablet with his school work. "I would be completely drained afterwards.... It had just sapped everything from me," she said. "Not only did it feel like a waste of time, but then I had no energy just to move through the rest of my day." "So I gave up".
"Just knowing that it wasn't going to be another day of fighting and struggling and dreading that home-school portion of the day was a huge relief."
What can I offer you except a swift kick in the pants?
What was your interaction with your child before virus lock-down?
When you heard “I am bored” from your child, what was your response?
For most of “modern” (not modern enough to me!) parents it’s a call for “let’s do something!” or “I will come up with something you can do”.
Let’s have some fun, right?
Now…if you divide child’s life into two piles: fun and no-fun, you will have a child whose joy of living will be outside of him/her and will be related to doing, not to being. You know what was my response to I am bored - actually I repetitively explained to my three kids,
before they would ever come up with ”I am bored”, so they never did - that the life in you and around you, is so vast and so interesting that being bored means you reduced yourself to no-mind, no-heart, passive, uncreative, uninteresting in life, being.
And why would I support being who reduced self to something like that?
Unless you would be born like that, that’s a different task, but you weren’t!
You were born brilliant and beautiful! Put your energy into living and make it so interesting that you will life enthusiastically 150 years!
My three children became so creative that I cry with joy when I listen and watch them!
And I raised them by myself since they were babies (my son was 2 months old, and two girls were 2, and 3 years old).
No I didn’t have grannies or grandpas, nor any extended family to help. Some good neighbors helped time to time.
If your child is “slumped in his chair, zoned out, or fiddling with things, not even looking at the tablet with his school work” - it’s not his condition, it’s your bad parenting!
Stop juggling, fighting, struggling, and dreading, because you will teach your children exactly that!
And then you wonder why your son is slumped in his chair, zoned out. He learned it from you!
Parent is a teacher and trainer of child’s ego and a student and guardian of child’s authentic self.
You don’t know the difference?
No?
Then you shouldn’t have children, because you are missing basic knowledge for raising a child.
And it is now an accessible knowledge - learn.
Were you raised by a parent who wanted be your best friend?
Or one who was not interested in you at all?
Or maybe a parent who tried methods commonly known but had no power to be consistent?
This is no reason for you to be shit at it!
Why for the life in me would you be “fighting and struggling and dreading” to do homework with your child?
Where is your gratefulness and joy of life to make it magical?
Life becomes effortless and you look like you are doing nothing at all when you take responsibility for your joy.
And don’t tell me that you have lots of things to do and you are exhausted “juggling” it all.
First of all you are not “juggling” anything.
Get rid of the ideas and descriptions that life is soooo hard!
No three pots start boiling at the same time.
If you pay attention things come in a linear – time order.
One… after another… after another…
Just pay attention to what’s in front of you and you will have time for it all.
As I said, I have three children.
I worked full time in my private practice, provided exclusively for our living expenses. I studied, I moved twice countries of residence with my children. Sold and bought houses. I travelled mostly with my children and went with them to many events. I played tennis, swam regularly, entertained friend…and I was 95% on time, and if I wasn’t, it had to be a really high water. My children had music, voice, dancing, swimming, karate, and drama classes. They played volleyball, basketball, went on school trips, including international, and had parties for 50 kids at our home. They are now 38, 37, and 35. Was it hard? Maybe twice I broke down and cried from overworking. The rest of the time we had a ball!
It is doable, as you see.
You just have to make a decision, no matter virus or not, your child is 100% your responsibility.
No excuses, whining and pushing the job on others, it is YOUR THE MOST important job in the entire life!
And you better do it well.
We are counting on it.